Grief, being a caregiver and homemaker …amidst the mess, something new emerged
- Chong Andelina
- Nov 29, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Dec 9, 2025
Post Story Slam event reflection.
One of my Cliffton strengths is learner.
In retrospect, I think it’s partly because I am an avid learner that aids in grounding me while I was battling with the grief of the sudden death of my late mother and also juggling duties as a new caregiver cum homemaker. While I was struggling a lot emotionally with the alien feeling of grief, researching for information on how to be a good caregiver cum homemaker to my father, who had terminal cancer, helped me. Learning energizes me. I would read the information and execute, and when I felt that the execution needed refinement, I would pause or find out more information/practice more so that I can be a better caregiver cum homemaker to my dad.
Mental health Benefits of learning new things (how-learning-can-boost-your-mental-health, 2025)
o While I was struggling and ‘failing’ a lot at managing grief at the start, learning how to be a good caregiver cum homemaker provides a goal and a purpose to me in that season of darkness. As I became better at being a caregiver and homemaker, I gained confidence and had a sense of achievement. My spirit was lifted up by the smiles and appreciation of my dad at that time. Some days felt like a thousand arrows went through me when I was having a difficult day with grief, overwhelmed by the heavy feelings. But The sense of achievement from learning new things lift me up from the ‘valley’ .
o Those time spent on learning the ropes of being a good caregiver cum homemaker also provides me with some form of good distraction. Learning brought peace, structure and the break my mind needs at that time.
The link to the audio of my performance at What’s Your Story Slam
Below is Transcript of my story on what’s your storyslam event with an audience of 100.
Title : the mess of possibilities
7 years ago, If you are going to ask me, I can’t say that I’m thankful for the mess. But in retrospect, I am grateful. I’ve discovered new parts of me.
7 years ago, my mum passed away suddenly after a week in the ICU. It was my first encounter with death and I was in shock. it’s felt like a dark, heavy cloud followed me whenever I go. I can’t get rid of it. After much struggle, I decided to be kind to myself and resigned to be caregiver to take care of my beloved dad who had cancer. I didn’t want to miss the chance to spend time with him after my mother’s death.
Most people would think Caregiving is a heavy topic. Indeed it is, it’s a labour of love, sweat, tears etc and There was a lighter side of that journey too. LOL
I became a homemaker cum caregiver. I used to think that being a homemaker is a ‘simple’ job. That was till I became one. LOL.
I found it puzzling that searching for interesting and healthy recipes to cook daily was harder than customizing a strategy to resolve a high-stakes dispute in my last job.
Some days, I just suffered from a lack of inspiration LOL. It was in those moments that I have a revelation on the reason why my late mother’s dishes were routinely seafood soup during certain period.
My late mum had appointed me as the official kitchen taster lol. Before I became a homemaker, I can’t cook. Apparently, she recognised that one of my superpower is the ability to differentiate the ingredients in the food through taste and smell. In the ancient times, I would be the palace staff to test that the food is safe for consumption for the emperor LOL. Looking back, those skills helped me to became quite a good amateur domestic goddess LOL.
I also had to Become an auntie bargain hunter. I researched for lobangs before shopping for groceries. I recalled that I used to laugh at my late mum for being so auntie to bargain at the wet market. I emulated her though I felt awkward to bargain with the stall owners. I didn’t get any discounts but I was secretly excited to get some freebies from some stalls.
The fresh and fishy smell of seafood at the wet market was an assault on my nostrils. I felt uncomfortable but I ventured to get fresh food for my dad. The wet market isn’t just a place to shop, it’s where stories are weighed by the kilo. Listening to the conversations of the many homemakers was my learning ground. From free cooking lessons to the best stall to get certain ingredients for meal preparation.
I was terrified of frying fish LOL. Whenever the oil splatter, I would bring up my wok cover as a shield LOL and ‘dance’ to the rhythm of the oil splatter. There were times that I missed defending my ‘fort’ and my hand was scalded by the splattering oil, even with the ‘shield’. Ouch ouch I retreated. I thought of a new strategy to complete my mission. I wore baking gloves to fry fish lol. My heart would race at 150bpm. It’s like having the heartbeat of running a 200m sprint without actually doing it. I would feel relieved that it was completed.
I recalled the scars on my late mother’s hand incurred during food preparation. It was a labor of love and pain.
I posted my cooking journey online and had encouragement and affirmation from friends. Looking back, I’m proud of myself and thankful for the support.
From the sourcing of fresh ingredients to the sheer panic of frying fish, dancing to the frantic rhythm of the oil's splatter, gradually the truth hit me: This isn't a simple job. Being a homemaker is akin to running a mini organization; from procurement, budget mastery, and skillful executor. Having walked a mile in those shoes, my respect for them became profound. It’s a soul-deep connection to every magnificent step of their tireless journey. Small steps of love which impact in a BIG way.
My dad had since passed on Now I just prefer to cook steam fish which felt more zen LOL. Nameste.
Whatever lemons were thrown to you in life, you won’t know what the possibility would be. There’s Hope. “
References and resources:
#emotionalwellness #growth mindset #coachingfemale in life transition #challenge limiting self beliefs
